an introduction

 sorry in advance if this entry is a little boring. it's only to get readers acquainted with my situation. a little housekeeping, if you will.

i had a crisis: an internal crisis, wherein i realized i wasn't doing anything i was proud of.

i like Sarah Barielles, and on her latest album, in one of the songs, there is a lyric. it goes like this: "i'm not the girl that i intend to be. but i dare you darlin', just you wait and see..."

i don't know, it just struck a chord.

i am a permanent resident of new zealand, and have been coming here since i was eight, i think. i could be wrong, but i know it was around then. i love, love, love this country.

i used to live in florida where i attended a community college. nothing fancy, nothing special. i was a late bloomer in that i never knew what i wanted to do. i had a lot of talents and a lot of interests (fine arts, performing arts, music, english), but nothing that i wanted to settle on and really shape my education, and my career around. i changed my major 3 times in 3 years, and i'm honestly ashamed to admit that it took me that long to complete an associate's. it's only supposed to take two.

but there i was, it was the summer before my definite last semester. i think, in a way, i was trying to drag it on as long as i could because i wasn't ready to take that step to becoming an independent individual. i didn't live with my parents, but i lived in the same town, did my laundry at their house, and had dinner with them once (if not more than once) a week. my mother still paid for my cell phone.

in contrast, my three best friends were all on the fast track. one is a history major and will be graduating with a bachelor's, and then in another year, a master's. one is in costume design and will also be graduating with a bachelor's. the other is a nat. sci. major, and while she won't be graduating for awhile (because she was slow to get rolling, too) she at least knew what she wanted and took steps toward achieving it.

i felt like i needed to commit, like i needed to own up to something, to my life.

this wasn't a spur-of-the-moment idea. it took a lot of thinking, a lot of planning, a lot of learning. and now that it's come to fruition, i don't regret anything. i love this city, i love these people, i love how sophisticated i feel here. i love who i am in this country: self-reliant, self-motivating, pro-active. i've noticed a whole host of changes in myself already (good and bad), and am entirely certain that this is my track, the right track.

i'm a little bit scared, a little bit worried, and a little bit horrified. sometimes i look in the mirror and go 'what on earth have you done?' but i've only been here two and a half weeks, and i've already started to develop a routine.

so this blog is for me, for my friends in the states, for my mother, and for anyone in a new place, trying to find their way, or just needing a little reassurance. i moved 8,000 miles to find myself, and i'm still searching.

it's a start.