call the police.

my apartment is 4b. my neighbors in 4a are clearly in a relationship. i know this because every now and again (more often than is probably good for their mentalities) i hear them fighting. it's pretty brutal fighting, but usually it's just words.

the first time i heard it, i only heard the woman. she was screaming things like "i hate you," "i never loved you," "you're ugly, look at yourself," "you fucking liar," "i hate living here," etc. what i could gather was that he had brought her here under some pretense of fulfilling some goal/plan he had. i found it amusing, and from then on, i did my best to listen whenever i heard the fighting start.

i would go out onto my terrace or open the door to the hallway (as i could hear them better and more clearly from those vantage points), and it was a form of entertainment for me. like a movie without the picture.

it's happened about 4 or five times since then (once a week, really), and it's always about the same thing: how she hates him, etc. i hear her more than i hear him,

today they started fighting, and i opened the windows and went to the door to listen. today she had asked him to finish his drink and clear the table. apparently when he went to clear the table, he only removed one glass and considered himself done, according to her. now this is all hearsay, of course, and it's only one point of view. his voice is too low to hear as clearly as hers, so i only know what he says when he's yelling at the top of his lungs.

it was like any other fight they'd had until i started hearing large objects moving around on their floor. it was at this point that i heard the people (in the hostel across the courtyard) outside talking about the goings on in that apartment. i moved onto the terrace and looked up; there was a cluster of girls at one of the windows a level higher than me. they could see into the couple's bedroom.

at first we smiled at each other, silently communicating a collective thought: how exciting! it wasn't until their faces started to change that i knew anything was really wrong. they could see into the couple's bedroom. they were beating the shit out of each other. the girls' faces were locked in horror, their mouths hanging open, their eyes worried. they no longer looked at me.

the man yelled something about how the woman almost pushed him down the stairs. it was at that point one of the girls turned back to me and said "call the police." i obliged, because this idea had occurred to me even before she said anything.

i called 111 (the new zealand equivalent of 911) and gave them all the information. while i was calling, the man threw something against the wall and it broke. it sounded like it had been made of glass. the woman shrieked like i have never heard in my life. they were threatening to kill each other.

it's no longer funny, or exciting.

the police just came, knocked on my door, and i pointed them in the direction of the argument. it's quiet now.

home.

so it's been a little while. i wish i could say that i've just been so productively busy that i haven't had time to update, but that's not entirely true. i have been busy, but i could've taken a little time to write...

on 18 march i had officially been in new zealand for a month. i realized that this should suggest that i was homesick, or at least missing the things i was used to. now, before my friends and family get all up in arms going 'oh, so you don't miss us?' i'm going to say yes, i do miss you. but really, the people i know and left are the only things that i miss. the people and food. i would kill for steak 'n' shake.

but despite missing my loved ones, my dog, and the crap food that i used to stuff myself with, i'm extremely happy. i had premonitions of being here, completely miserable and alone. i can't tell you how many times i would ask my mother 'do you think i'll make any friends?' yes, she did, and i am. slowly, but surely. in fact, this coming weekend i had my first encounter with conflicting plans. it felt good. i rarely had that happen in gainesville, let alone across the world. i've met some awesome people so far, whom i'm going to omit telling you about (at least for now), because there's not too much to say yet.

bu recently i had an epiphany. something universal, something not unique to myself, and probably pretty obvious to the majority of people on the planet: i've discovered what life can be, and i'm amazed. i hadn't realized it could be so full, so exciting.

life is sweet. life is fun. life is going to the beach and climbing on rocks, peering into tidal pools, and wading in the waves. life is dodging seaweed, and life is getting drenched. life is wearing wet jeans in the now-i-have-to-sit-in-these-for-the-next-five-hours way, and being absolutely fine with it. life is being on a cliff watching the moon rise to your left and the sun set on your right. life is discovery. life is almost being bounced from a pub because your florida driver's license is not an acceptable form of id anymore. life is going into a shop while it's sunny and coming out when it's raining (or maybe that's just auckland). life is fish and chips wrapped in paper. life is language barriers, even when you and whom you're talking to speak the same language. life leaves the windows open. life is being excited to get up in the morning.

i was scared, i was worried, i was anxious. i didn't know what to expect, i didn't know how i was going to feel. i was scared, deep down, that i was going to want to go home, and ache for it every second of the day.

i'm not scared anymore, though. after only a month, it's amazing to me just how easy it is to call this place home.

an introduction

 sorry in advance if this entry is a little boring. it's only to get readers acquainted with my situation. a little housekeeping, if you will.

i had a crisis: an internal crisis, wherein i realized i wasn't doing anything i was proud of.

i like Sarah Barielles, and on her latest album, in one of the songs, there is a lyric. it goes like this: "i'm not the girl that i intend to be. but i dare you darlin', just you wait and see..."

i don't know, it just struck a chord.

i am a permanent resident of new zealand, and have been coming here since i was eight, i think. i could be wrong, but i know it was around then. i love, love, love this country.

i used to live in florida where i attended a community college. nothing fancy, nothing special. i was a late bloomer in that i never knew what i wanted to do. i had a lot of talents and a lot of interests (fine arts, performing arts, music, english), but nothing that i wanted to settle on and really shape my education, and my career around. i changed my major 3 times in 3 years, and i'm honestly ashamed to admit that it took me that long to complete an associate's. it's only supposed to take two.

but there i was, it was the summer before my definite last semester. i think, in a way, i was trying to drag it on as long as i could because i wasn't ready to take that step to becoming an independent individual. i didn't live with my parents, but i lived in the same town, did my laundry at their house, and had dinner with them once (if not more than once) a week. my mother still paid for my cell phone.

in contrast, my three best friends were all on the fast track. one is a history major and will be graduating with a bachelor's, and then in another year, a master's. one is in costume design and will also be graduating with a bachelor's. the other is a nat. sci. major, and while she won't be graduating for awhile (because she was slow to get rolling, too) she at least knew what she wanted and took steps toward achieving it.

i felt like i needed to commit, like i needed to own up to something, to my life.

this wasn't a spur-of-the-moment idea. it took a lot of thinking, a lot of planning, a lot of learning. and now that it's come to fruition, i don't regret anything. i love this city, i love these people, i love how sophisticated i feel here. i love who i am in this country: self-reliant, self-motivating, pro-active. i've noticed a whole host of changes in myself already (good and bad), and am entirely certain that this is my track, the right track.

i'm a little bit scared, a little bit worried, and a little bit horrified. sometimes i look in the mirror and go 'what on earth have you done?' but i've only been here two and a half weeks, and i've already started to develop a routine.

so this blog is for me, for my friends in the states, for my mother, and for anyone in a new place, trying to find their way, or just needing a little reassurance. i moved 8,000 miles to find myself, and i'm still searching.

it's a start.